Call me

call me

So there I was enjoying my caffeinated drink. Enjoying the peace and quiet while the kids were outside playing. I decided it was a great time to finally tackle my personal email inbox and the such. This particular email receives 12345 million spam messages a day, along with the various FWD: FWD: FWD: and notes back and forth to family. It’s not one I check daily, weekly or even monthly if I remember.

I read through the various emails –

God Will Hate You If You Don’t Forward This – WHAT??? God has an email? Can I have his address dude?

You Are The Greatest Friend Ever – Except we never talk only via email. But honestly I do like those, they are sweet and a great ego stroke.

You Will Be Stabbed, Raped, Maimed, Mutilated, Infected By Aliens If You Don’t Forward – I know the internet is NOT the safest place. But good god my alien, stalker, rapist, serial killer, murderer is watching my email RIGHT NOW to see if I forward??? SHIT!!!!!!

Republicans Unite – Um. Yeah how about not via email. Why? Well, 1….2….delete. Oops forgot 3 and there’s your reason why.

Democrats Unite – Oh you piss ant. Read above.

I do occasionally like the jokes. Some of them are kinda, well…lame.

But today, now that I totally got sidetracked, I had one particular SPAM message totally suck in my attention like a kid with a lollipop.



First I assumed, oh man, triple X hot girls site with free live web cam email. Then I thought, alright I’m a curious cat – let’s open this sucker and find out what’s going down with J Eng and his trust issue.


Maybe I could help him out. Maybe Johnny boy is looking to vent to someone about his filthy stinking cheating lover. Or maybe John Johnny has family issues. But wait…what if John Eng wants to share with me an awesome secret. Or a very dirty naughty one.

I can’t help it.

Click Read.

Crap it’s spam….gotta show content…blah blah blah…load dammit!

“Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a total loser wanting to steal your soul. I have no life and quite possibly may not be human. Send me all your information and I won’t send you a “trillion dollars”. (insert Dr. Evil laughter now)

Sincerely Your Friend (lying scum bucket – we are NOT friends),

John “I have no middle name” England
555-123-4567 (This isn’t my real number either – duh)
www. John England Is Not Real And Wants To Steal My Soul And Life . com (good site huh?) ”

I’m so angry. I get spam like this all the time. I do. I hit delete…delete..delete. But this jerk. This evil, twisted, jerk….

Oh he roped me in to hitting open with a lame line like….

“Can I trust you?”